my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
