he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just gargled with NyQuil
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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