If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
