Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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