Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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