so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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