My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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