question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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