Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
