so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
