I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
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