I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Randomize
