she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
