Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
