So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Randomize
