That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
