She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
