Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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