dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
