just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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