I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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