my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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