hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
