if you like me you must not know who I am
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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