I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
