oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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