i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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