Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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