omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
