We won't sleep together?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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