You just made me feel so damn special
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
