1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
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