Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
