I have demons in me.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
