i need an iv and a liver transplant
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize
