Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
