I seem to have left my pride at pride
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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