My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I have tasted many bathrooms
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
