Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize