apparently the secret to your success is patron
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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