Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
