It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize