so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
