It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I need water and some morals
Randomize
