ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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