it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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