yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
