White coat. Heels.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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