oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
