Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
