Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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