My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize