***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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