Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
