can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
