I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
