Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
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