How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
