I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Randomize
