Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
