dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize