Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
