3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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