my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
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