So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
