ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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