i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
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